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29 January 2007

Chia Hippo Update - Jan 24-28th

So, it's been a few days. Let's see what's happening in the world of my Chia Hippo...

He's starting to look a little more hairier! Thank goodness, I was beginning to worry about him.

He is finally comfortable with his new hairstyle. Note, the subtle smile on his Chia Hippo face.

Unfortunately, he is still suffering from a wee bit of patchiness.

Chia Hippo after his pilates class. He really broke a sweat this time.

Ah, Chia Hippo. I think he is looking smashing!


Blood Test

So the good news is I'm not going to die. I can now sleep at night, haha.

I received the blood test results today and I am now glad that I didn't throw that raffle. Otherwise, I'd be handing out the prizes left and right! Fortunately, there is nothing too severe that cannot be fixed. Being a lazy vegetarian didn't pay off - I seem to be "severely anemic". As well, I have a bit of low blood sugar and low cholesterol. Not only that, I have a "lazy thyroid" (but I'm pretty!). I guess I shouldn't laugh at that. I just keep imagining my thyroid gland kicking back on a recliner and watching television all day long. The good news cervix is in perfect form. Ha-zah!

These results don't come as a true shock to me. Actually, it all makes sense. My doctor said that with a "lazy thyroid" you often feel tired and you have no desire to do anything. Heh, and how! It explains my pale complexion better than the fact that I used to go to goth clubs, haha. It explains how terribly weak I feel sometimes. Somedays I feel like Mr. Burns, all brittle and weak.

Now, I have to take iron supplements and thyroid medication. And then I'll begin my career as a world class arm wrestler. Watch out! Truth be told, I'm just looking forward to having energy again. I can't remember when I last felt like I had some.

And you all thought I was just sleepy and lazy!

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So the other day...

I'm at work doing surveys. And I call a man named Mr. Mehboob. Heh. Meh. Boob. I giggled out loud.

Ah, it is the first day of my "weekend". Last night, our friends came over. We drank a little beer, smoked some cigarettes. The boys went off to listen to some music. The girls sat on the couch and clucked away. We ordered some pizza and that was an instant satisfaction. You see, PMS Monster demanded melted cheese and lots of it. There has been a sad lack of cheese in my life lately so that pizza made me feel truly euphoric.

Tomorrow, I get my blood work results back from the doctor. I won't lie and say that I'm not concerned. I'm just a little nervous. I suppose the reassuring thing is that they didn't need to see me immediately. I'm assuming if it is truly bad, they would have rescheduled my appointment to an earlier date. Wish me luck! I still think people should be placing bets on what's my health problem. It could have been a fun thing to do - you know, like raffles during the Grey Cup. Most people have their bets on low iron. I agree with the odd few that say hypoglycemia. Who knows, maybe thyroid will be the winning diagnosis. Thyroid's a jerk that way. My bosses keep saying I'm "with seed" and have the tapeworm, since I'm always hungry. That's how rumours start, I told them. To set the record straight, I am neither "with seed" or do I have the tapeworm.

I feel like the day zoomed past me. Didn't I just roll out of bed a few hours ago? And now it's quarter to midnight. It's no fair, I say! I have to say, I accomplished very little. I did some of my darling domestic duties. I took a hot bath. I surfed the net and posted in my daily photoblog. I drank hot tea. I played around with my cosmetics. And now it's close to midnight. I guess I'm allowed to slack off on my day off.

I did, however, have fun playing dress-up. I, once again, attempted to create a vampy 1920's face. I wouldn't call it a great success. 1920's makeup always seems like a good idea. I love that decade for makeup but I can never get it right. It's frustrating. Painting on those Clara Bow lips, those bee-stung lips, is always a huge disaster. It never fails, I end up looking like a bad drag queen.

It reminds me of that time my friend and I thought it would be a brilliant idea to dress up in modest lingerie and do our makeup in 1920's style....while drinking copious amounts of gin. Anyway, once we got the photographs back from developing, we had a good laugh. Yep, drinking and applying vintage makeup looks don't mix. And nothing is more glamourous than vomiting after a boudoir photoshoot. Hot.

My attempt at a 1920's eye went alright, actually. I suppose if I had the appropriate costume, eyebrow shape, and hairstyle - I'd be more convinced. I don't know if my face belongs in the 1920's or a goth club.

The bee-stung lips. Ack, disasterous as usual. Perhaps if I had a different shape of lips it would look better. I can achieve the shape of the popular lip look of that era with lipliner. Once I fill in the lips with lipstick...enter bad drag queen. I laugh at how ridiculous it really looks. I ended up filling my entire lips, in defeat. I guess I'm just not ment to have bee-stung lips.

Excuse me while I babble about makeup.

That's what I love about makeup. It's fun and I get lost in it. It relaxes me, unless something goes terribly wrong. Like that time I thought my black liquid eyeliner was concealer. I think I breathed fire that morning.

Meh. Boob.

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23 January 2007

Unhealthy Obsessions

There should be a website for wingnuts like me to make it easier to assume what their physical ailments are. For a good month and change, I've been wondering what the fark is wrong with me. I'm dizzy and lightheaded, I'm off balance, I'm hungry .... the list goes on. Sometimes it feels like I am on a plane, ascending or descending. It is hard for me to be in a crowded place with lots of busyness around me. I have to stay focused on what is straight ahead of me when I walk (narrowly avoiding stepping in dog crap on the sidewalk). My concentration is off. I don't know what the hell is wrong.

So, this is why there should be a website out there for people like me who obsess and analyze my health until I feel even more shitty. Instead of random Google searches for possible illnesses, there would be a page of symptoms that you check off. You know, kind of like one of those silly blog quizzes one does to see what kind of an evil CareBear they would be or what kind of famous serial killer they are. You just click on the symptoms list, submit your results, and outcomes all the possibilities of your health issue. And it would be in percentages, like you are 60 percent likely to have Lyme disease and 45 percent likely to have vestibular neuronitis, for example. Having your possible list of illnesses cuts your internet search down in half - it's all right in front of you! With handy links! And it's all available at one handy location! No longer do you have to stay up all night in front of your computer, searching webpage after webpage about what deathly disease you have. Just take a survey, click submit, and you have one page full of ailments to obsess over. All night long.

Truth be told, I tried my best to avoid abusing the search engines to figure out what's wrong. I've been fairly good. I gave in, though. It sounds like dizziness /lightheadedness is a common symptoms of a lot of diseases, minor and major ones.

I have to admit, I am a little nervous. I received a phone call from my doctor's office. They told me that the blood results are in and the doctor wants to see me. After the removal of my blood last week, I booked an appointment. I thought they would have made some sort of note about this upcoming appointment related to my blood work. I got a little worried - what if there is something worse that they wanted to urgently talk to me about, what if it's this, what if it's that.

I asked the receptionist, "Is this an urgent matter, like 'you're going to die' kind of urgency?"

She laughed it off and said she didn't think so. I know they aren't allowed to say anything to me anyhow. Clearly, there is something funky (I'm trying not to say "wrong") with me...if they want to speak to me about tests. Ugh. This means waiting for a week to go to the clinic. Which I can handle but I really want to know what's going on with this body of mine. I'm starting to think I should hold some sort of raffle to see who guesses my illness. So far, there are some bets on low iron. My money is on the hypoglycemia.

I guess I will know soon enough. I'm a little worried about starting to work again (tomorrow). Nothing beats feeling dizzy when a subway car is whizzing past you. Good times.

I must go. I have a steamy date with my newfound culinary skills, vegetable broth, and leeks. And I can't get that damned Hockey Night in Canada theme song out of my head....

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Chia Pet Update - Jan 17-23rd

It is time for another update. I know you all are curious about the health and well-being of my Chia Hippo. Don't worry, he misses you too.

The best place to start, his ass. You see, he is having trouble growing hair(or herb, if you will) on his wee behind. I feel kinda sorry for him.

Look, he is wearing an irritated face after I took that picture of his ass.

The next day, he forgave me.

Here's a nice close up of his growth.

Chia Hippo hates the cold weather and being stuck indoors. This is his view.

I gave him a few days off from posing. Actually, I was just lazy and didn't want to take his pic. Here is his new 'do after a few days.

Don't let it fool you...he is still very patchy. Poor guy.

And this is today! :)

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22 January 2007

Celebrities and Why We Give a F*ck

I try my best not to pay attention to catchy celebrity news headlines or to get wrapped up in the lives of celebrities. Believe me, it is much easier to avoid this when you do not own a functional television set like I do. Yet every now and then, I admit I get distracted with celebrity life and gossip. I despise myself for it and often ask myself why I even care to know whether or not Britney Spears is on another drunken tirade or if Brangelina is going to adopt another child from a third world country. Why do I care? Why am I wasting my seemingly precious thoughts on people I don't even care about, let alone know in "real" life?

The answer is simple. Us "regular" folks, we lead boring, routine lives in an instant age. We wake up every morning. We go to work. We come home. We spend time with our "regular" spouses, less than perfect friends, and often bratty children. We go to bed on low thread count bedding. We eat frozen food that we buy on sale. Often, we live on miserable pay check to miserable pay check. Let's face it. We are regular, routine creatures and there is nothing wrong with that.

The media and celebrity gossip surrounds us whenever we turn on the television, read the newspapers, or go to a web page. It is hard to avoid, even when you loathe it. I believe it is a poor example of escapism. When we lead seemingly boring lives, we tend to escape into a fantasy world. When celebrities are hailed in the media, we care because it is in our face. As we sit there in our department store clothes, they are flaunting expensive jewelry and designer dresses. They have fancy automobiles and private jets. We have a car that needs a new muffler or we have the less than glamorous bus, full of other stinking regular people. It's hard not to wonder what that kind of life that would be, without having to worry how you are going to pay your next heating bill or afford to send your kids to extra-curricular activities or to clean up the house day after day.

The media also builds a relationship between us and the celebrity. At first, we are tossed tiny pieces of information like scraps of bread to a flock of pigeons. We eat it up and want more. Perhaps we don't care which celebrity hooked up with who, at first. More information is then tossed at us - the romance, the exclusive wedding, the gifts, the babies, the wacky religions. By the time you know it, we are hooked in and hungrily waiting for the cruel and torturous rumors and the heartache of the break-up. We say we don't want it to end but I think there is a part of us that wants to inflict negativity on these celebrity couples. It is not because we are truly cruel. Well, maybe only some of us. We just want them to have see what being a "regular" person is all about, warts and all. After all, regular people make mistakes. Regular people go bankrupt. Regular people date the wrong person for them. Regular people have heartache, so celebrites should too. Dammit.

We pay extra attention when a celebrity does something ridiculous or embarrassing as well. Sometimes we express a little sympathy. Most of the time, we just laugh. It is partially the fact that this makes them a little more real. Personally, I think we laugh because it reminds us that our simple lives aren't so bad in the end. A celebrity can have all the money or fame in the world, but us "regular" folk will remember how to get out of a vehicle without showing the world our underwear(or lack thereof) or have our drunken mishaps kept between friends and not the world. We have our privacy and we should be grateful for that.

We care about celebrities because we lead regular lives and we are surrounded by media. Turn off the television, avoid the gossip headlines - it'll do you some good. Pick up a book instead. Get out and enjoy the real world, even though you have bills to pay and a routine to follow. Surround yourself with good, genuine people. Care more about the actual people in your life that you have contact with - your family, your friends, and your community.

There is more to life than Brangelina, Tomkat, or Bennifer. And who the fuck made up those quirky, combined names anyway???

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Nice Magazines, Let's F*ck

My head has been like a turned-on television set when I fall asleep. I dream, on and on. Though I have slept, I wake up tired but very amused.

I had a dream yesterday that I was in this very fancy and exclusive magazine/wine shop. I was with a good friend of mine. This was a lovely place to be; trendy music playing in the background, mahogany decor, and a lovely wine selection. We walked around the place as though we owned it. I had a glass of red wine in my hand and I catwalked in front of the magazines as though I was a supermodel or had a lot of money to blow on magazines for the rich. We drank our wine and looked beautiful.

Sitting on a mahogany bench was this young man. He was rather nerdy, with chin length hair and glasses. He began to walk about and I began to notice him a little more. He was looking at me. He commented outloud, "They have nice magazines here", while staring directly at my boobs. He just called my boobs magazines!

After a while of drinking wine and roaming around with our noses in the air, the young man approached us. I gave my friend a look of pretend-you're-my-boyfriend. The young man simply wanted to thank us, in a snooty accent, for making this stop on our trip to Montreal and to support the scene. We thought he was a complete wingnut.

And because my dreams are so stupid, I proceeded to go to the magazine/wine shop's kitchen and do dishes while standing on a wee stool and the kitchen staff glared at me.

When my friend and I were leaving, there were grocery store type check-out lines at the exit. I noticed the young man again, but with a woman. And then I figured it all out - he was with his mother and he was really only twelve years old. The thought of a twelve year old calling my boobs "magazines" left a bad, bad taste in my mouth.

The next dream, I was in a very big and open room that had lots of couches and seating areas. My close girl friend was with me. An long-time online friend was there as well. My girl friend presented me with this tiny stuffed animal that she made out of pom-poms and felt. My online friend picked up the toy to look at it, and then made the stuffed animal kiss my nose and my cheeks. He did the same to my girl friend. We felt warm and fuzzy. And then he gave us acid.

He gave us these pills that he called acid, but really looked like the anti-anxiety pills I have taken before. I thought, I shouldn't be doing this, this isn't right. But my online friend, who was wearing wonderful pants, put the pill under my tongue and told me to let it dissolve in my mouth. I couldn't say no, he just had such a nice pair of pants on. He gave my girl friend some pills too. He gave me another pill. He gave her another pill. By then, I noticed everyone was high around me and it was a very peaceful room. Little did my online friend know, I only took half a pill and hide the other pills under my leg. I was feeling dizzy and stoned (not like I know what an acid-high is like anyway). I kept asking myself, what is he trying to do by feeding us all these pills...oh, but his pants are sooo nice.

And then I spent the rest of the dream cuddling with my girl friend on a couch. We took a walk-around and I figured out that we were all in a police youth detention center.

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18 January 2007

Hinterland's Who's Who - Spiders on Drugs

Anyone who grew up in Canada with a television set grew up remembering the great commercial spots sponsored by the Government of Canada. Of course, there were wonderful vignettes of our history and the faithful Hinterland's Who's Who spots. Apparently, those in Quebec do not seem to remember such commercials. Watching such informational commercials bring me back to my childhood, giving me a warm fuzzy feeling. Just that opening music makes me feel like a kid again. For example, this one is about the great Canadian Cougar. No, I'm not talking about the 40 year old lady in tight jeans that dances at your local top 40 bar.

The other day, my friend told me about a Canadian short film that was a hit at the Winnipeg International Film Festival. It is poking fun at these old commercials. It's brilliant!

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17 January 2007

Chia Hippo Update - January 12th to 16th

So it's been a few days and the Chia Hippo has yet to grow his mossy coat. He may be patchy but I still love him.

Starting to grow a little mohawk!

He has a stunning side profile, if I do say so myself.

The plastic bag suffocation trick works! He's starting to grow!

Don't laugh at his patchiness...

I think my Chia Hippo was up to no good in this photo I took yesterday. Notice his curious way, as he looks out the window with wonder.

Looks like he took a little vacation while I was sleeping. Lucky Hippo! Must be nice to lounge around on the beaches of Greece.

Chia Hippo meets friends wherever he goes!


16 January 2007

Healthy Resolutions

It’s only the middle of January and I have already completed two of my so-called New Year’s resolutions. The first resolution completed - I have (nearly) abandoned my fear and went to see my very own doctor.

I saw my new doctor for the first time last week. The clinic was surprisingly empty. I was afraid that it would be full of snotty children and other various St-Henri folk who may or may not have the dreaded “gastro” that is going around in Montreal. The only annoying part about the wait was the young college student who talked loudly on her cell phone the entire wait. I heard all about her car troubles and the difficulty scheduling her dance classes – like, omg, shut up!

When the doctor finally saw me, she put my mind at ease. See, I’m scared of most doctors as I believe they will tell me something truly awful and tragic. For example, “You are going to die”. She didn’t. She was very reassuring and very friendly. I confessed that I was nervous to go to the doctor. She asked if she makes me nervous. We laughed it off and she told me that if there is anything wrong, we can fix it. Instead of having to fill out a sheet of medical history while I waited in the lobby, she asked me questions and wrote it down herself. That impressed me. I didn’t feel like a number. Much like the walk-in clinic doctor back home, I felt like she was her only patient. I think that is important in finding a good doctor.

She gave me no explanation for my odd dizzy spells though. We talked for a while. She listened to my lungs and heart, checked my neck glands, and recorded my blood pressure (which is apparently “perfect”). She said the reasons for my dizziness/lightheadedness could be a number of things, including anxiety as the doctor back home mentioned. Another good sign of a good doctor – she doesn’t seem like a pill pusher. If it is anxiety, I do not want to rely on pills unless I truly have to take them. She agreed with me and said that exercise is the best remedy at times. Now, if they could only make a pill to end my sheer laziness!

This morning, I had blood work done. I had to go in twice – once before eating breakfast and once after. They will be checking for hypoglycemia, thyroid, iron, glucose, and so on. I will get the results come January 29th. I’m not as paranoid of the results. I’m at the point where I just want this lightheadedness to end. I’ve basically been off for an entire month on a work hiatus and I haven’t been up to venturing out solo. I feel like I haven’t done enough during this time off, physically and socially speaking.

During this time off, however, I have completed my second New Year’s resolution. I have made soup.

Now, I realize this isn’t a life changing resolution like most people make and then eventually break. That’s why I keep my resolutions simple. I don’t even like calling them resolutions. Ah, more like non-stressful plans for the year ahead of me. If I fail to complete a non-stressful plan for 2007, it’s no big deal. I think the idea of finding a new doctor was the most stressful one on my list. However, one should never underestimate the power of a good bowl of soup.

I have to toot my proverbial horn here. I made a pretty damn good pot of soup for my first time. Sweet Baby Jesus, it was a damn fine bowl of soup! I made a tasty pot of leek and potato soup. It was a, as Borat would say, great success! And not only a pot of soup, I made a dozen of cheese and onion muffins to eat with it.

I rock domesticity.

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10 January 2007

Chia Pet Update

I know...y'all have been on the edge of your seats, waiting for the hot Chia action...

When starting your Chia Pet, be prepared for a mess. I don't think I would ever want a child doing this in my house unsupervised. It's messy and it's not as easy as it looks to apply the seeds. You don't need two teaspoons of seeds either. You soak the seeds which turn into this strange seedy gel. You carefully rub the gel on your hippo (yes, it sounds pretty hot, huh?) and wait for the seedy action to begin. I'm still waiting.

As you can see, the Chia Hippo is not as bathed in seeds as I wanted him to be. It's rather difficult and I'm sure his coat will be a patchy one.

It's been about a week and the only growth has been on two or three seeds. Maybe I need to sing the Chia theme song to it?

Despite my tiredless efforts (okay, only filling his planter to the top everyday), Chia Hippo has yet to grow a mossy pelt. Torturous methods were needed - I am now forced to mist him with water and keep a plastic bag on him. I'm cruel that way. Note: Weedy the Bonsai Weed is in the lower right hand corner. :) Send him special growth vibes.

Stay tuned...


My Pussy

So I bought myself a handy digital camera for Christmas. You'd think I would take photographs of my family and friends. Nope, I took photos of my darling Tiki - she is our cat that lives back home with my folks. Oh, how I miss that furry little face.

This is the first picture I took of her. She looks like a little supermodel here, all skinny and stuff:

She usually doesn't look this grumpy:

I think she is mad at me now:

But my favourite...looking like a purrfect Turkey Angel at Christmas(and yet still disgruntled):

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09 January 2007

Ch-Ch-Chia Pet!

Yep...I got myself my very own Chia Pet this Christmas from one of my best friends. Little did she know, I have always wanted a Chia Pet. Call me lame, but I like silly little things like this. Anyway, it's been days since I started this project (if you can call it that). My Chia Hippo has yet to grow a fine coat of chia herb. Sigh. I think Chia Hippo is in cahoots with my supposed bonsai "tree" which looks like a small weed. Also, I bought myself a digital camera over the holidays so I can take photographs of my exciting, fast-paced life here in Montreal.

Day One~
You are supposed to soak the Chia Hippo planter. I did that. And boy, was I excited to start planting. I soaked him for the suggested 24 hours and then realized that I was supposed to soak the seeds as well. Oops. Chia Hippo soaked for 48 hours instead. I think he enjoyed his bath.

Awww... isn't he cute?


A Very Long Update.

Another year has come and gone. This year I will be turning the so-called “big three-o”. Good grief. Sometimes I wonder how last year slipped past me so quickly, let alone thirty of ‘em. Age is only a number, right? I’ll be saying that to the hunky and young pool boy when I’m 80, heh. That and then, “get off my lawn”. And by lawn, I mean….

Anyway, I am not here to complain about my age or appear reflective (also known as panicky) on the last year or last thirty. I’m just here to catch up with you all. Make yourself a hi-ball of gin and tonic or a frothy mug of hot chocolate and get comfortable.

I know I have been a stranger lately. Lately is certainly an understatement, I suppose. There are unanswered emails and tardy responses. Sincerely, I hope no one is offended at me. At least it is cutting down my list of friends on myspace! Truth be told, I simply do not feel like being online. I don’t feel like wasting time – there are much better things to waste time with and I should know - I’m a constant waster of time! I don’t feel like being frustrated with the errors of myspace. I don’t feel like tearing out my hair every time myspace eats a blog. I don’t feel like wasting away reading the same bulletins written by different people, the tired out surveys and the demands on me to look at their new pics. Don’t get me wrong. I will read them if they are written by people I actually consider friends or interesting strangers, I will look over your new photographs and smile. The point is if I’m going to waste time, let it be with something that I actually enjoy. It may be a long handwritten letter or a well planned out hearty meal, a long distance phone call or curled up with a good book. It’s just a better way to waste time and there are less unexpected errors. And let’s face it. The last thing I really wish to do after a long day of work is to sit in front of another computer.

Work has been fine and I am on our Christmas break as we speak (or as you read). It was very hectic and draining the month or so. I’m at my old market research job but in a new position. I knew about this position for a long time. It was hard to keep quiet about it. Now, I’m what you call a listener. Quality control, if you will. Still, I do interviews when needed and necessary. It’s been a very good experience so far and I am sure it will continue to do so. When I first found out about this position, I was afraid that I was not strong enough to stand up to people who are doing things wrong and help them correct themselves. I still feel that pinch of nervousness and doubt. I try my best through and I believe that they are relatively pleased with my work thus far. I feel much more open and outspoken at work. I have my weak moments but I’m becoming much more comfortable to stand up for myself and more aggressive. It’s what I needed. Besides learning how to be more aggressive, I have discovered that I have absolutely no tolerance for most people under 25 nowadays. Anyway, it’s been interesting. What has been super cool is that my boss, amongst others in the office, has been very encouraging to me with my attempt (or lack thereof) to learn French. They will speak to me in French and then translate. I am comfortable asking them what something means in French or how to say it.

In November, we moved into a new apartment. Whew, at last! This has been such a relief, to say the least. The place is much larger, much cleaner, and very quiet compared to the last place. There are no mice! There is no waterfall coming out of our ceiling – knock on wood. Our neighbors are relatively quiet. I feel a bizarre sense of satisfaction when I clean because it actually looks clean. It has been a very good change for the both of us. There seems to be a sense of calm now between us. Perhaps it is the space we now have. Not only do we have space, we have light! We have a better view out of living room window as opposed to a brick wall and rotting garbage. The other day I sat on the couch and just wrote. I felt so peaceful and at home. It is a good feeling to have. It feels like a home. The other place didn’t have that true feeling.

A few days before I flew home for my annual Christmas visit, I fell ill. I don’t know if ill is the right word because I still don’t know what is wrong. One evening after work, I was walking home with my co-worker. I was feeling fine all day, maybe drank a little too much coffee than normal on an empty stomach. In the middle of a stride, I felt strangely lightheaded. Not my normal, I-need-to-eat-on-time dizziness. It was something else. I steadied myself against my co-worker and walked slowly to the metro. This feeling lingered for a few days and I couldn’t put my finger on it – could it be an inner ear thing or an eye thing? Vertigo? Low iron or blood sugar or blood pressure? Funny enough, I only feel this way when I am in public and there is a lot of motion around me in my peripheral vision. Usually, that is. The more aware I am of it, the worse it gets. Seeing the metro zoom past me makes me lightheaded. Walking in the grocery store where there are tall shelves of packages as people walk by and where there are colorful tiles beneath my feet makes me feel off. It is a very unsettling and uncomfortable feeling. I went to see the walk-in clinic doctor when I was back home and he checked the basic things – ears, eyes, mouth, blood pressure. Everything looked fine, he said. He had a very sincere look in his eye when he told me to promise I see a doctor when I got back to Montreal. Also, he said that it sounds like anxiety to him. I always knew I leaned towards the anxious and nervous side. I just never wanted to hear it said by a doctor. He gave me a very small prescription of Ataman to take when needed. I took one to see if I would experience any side effects. I didn’t want to take my first one in public and find myself passed out on a mall bench, as bums pick through my pockets. Or worse, have the side effect of explosive diarrhea. Thankfully, I just took a lovely journey to a town called Sleepyville. I began to feel better in the middle of my trip and it was only a couple of days ago where I felt like this again. It feels like being on a plane when you are ascending and descending. It’s a weird, another world type of feeling. I found myself a doctor taking new patients very close to our place and hopefully I will know more this week. Wish me luck. I am trying not to worry about this because I realize it will only make me feel worse. Sigh!

As for my trip home, it was great but flew by too quickly. Christmas is always a funny time of year to visit. I never get to see the amount of old friends I wish to see. Everybody, including myself, is busy with family. People are saving up their money for New Year’s Eve celebrations. They are wrapping up work and getting together with their other sets of old friends in from out of town. I can only understand and make the most of it. Once again, I wasn’t feeling that great so I didn’t want to exert myself with many social activities, like going out to a bar or what have you. I did get to see a handful of friends and catch up though. There was a great little Christmas party, lunch with old friends, late evening coffee sessions. A day of shopping in the not-so-crowded mall. Hanging out at friends’ houses. Sitting around in my mom’s kitchen, chatting with those who stopped by for a minute. I walked through the village one afternoon with a friend, stopping by the shops that I used to browse in. On my last night, we had drinks in a local drinking hole. Nothing fancy about the bar but it was being with my old friends that made the evening special. It is often a bittersweet feeling.

The best part about going home is seeing my family. I miss them more and more, each time I walk away to board that plane back to Montreal. Even if I see them on every single day of my visit, it doesn’t feel like enough time! I had a little more time with my sister this time around and we even had a little sleepover at her place. We spent the entire day in pajamas, playing video games. When was the last time we did that!? Probably when Colecovision was the hottest must-have toy for Christmas. I got to spend a lot of time with parents and my grandmother as well. I regret not seeing my brother-in-law as much as I could have – we totally have a bowl of boozed up punch with our names written all over it, as we gang up on my sister with sarcastic comments and jokes. And last but not least, Tiki. I spent so much time playing with my cat. That sounds dirty, heh. I missed my beautiful little kitty cat sooo much. What an angel. I taught her a few more tricks (for example, attacking my leg) and she thoroughly enjoyed her new cat toy I gave her. Those with animals – always give daily thanks for that furry little face that brightens up your every day. As least I have my new neighbor’s cats (as well as the strays they feed) to make me smile. I’ll have to take a photograph of their cat. I call it the “big white cat with the small white head”.

Sometimes it is hard being away from home. So much can change in a few months, let alone a year or two. Each time I come home, I notice changes in people and changes in myself. As I mentioned, it is a bittersweet feeling. It makes me feel like I am in limbo, in a sense. I don’t have a wide circle of friends here and people are a’changin’ back home. Often, I feel a little left out of the loop with people back home. It’s nobody’s fault, of course. I guess that is what happens when you move away. The best feeling is when you meet up with someone you haven’t seen in a very long time and there have been so many changes. You meet up, you go to some dingy coffee shop, and it’s like you have never left – it’s like you just hung out with that friend only a few days ago and are laughing at the same old things again. I like that familiar feeling, like no time has passed whatsoever.

So now I am back in Montreal and the days have been lazy. I have been writing everyday in my journal. I have been tending to my new Chia pet. I have been reading. I have been learning new knitting techniques (don’t expect a sweater soon). Out of sheer curiosity, I have been watching Ultimate Fighting events. I have even made cinnamon buns from scratch! I’m sort of anxious to get back to work but not really, to be honest. I like work, I like making money – but I want to take care of this dizziness thing before it gets the best of me. I want to be able to venture out on my own without the fear that I will black out one the metro or in a crowded shopping center.

I am turning 30 years old come February. Yarg! It seems wrong not to celebrate this age (as I write this, I am mildly cringing) without the people that I grew up with, from childhood through to high school. If I was loaded with cash, I’d fly out a few old friends for a weekend of boozy celebrations. Sigh…I can dream, can’t I?!

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